Am I Scared?

It's been a couple weeks since the terrorist attack downtown here in NYC. My home. At first it did not sink in, but made me think a little bit more about what is going on in our world. What to do? How to teach my kids? How do we prevent these events from happening? The impact of this attack has impacted me a lot more in the past weeks with the more recent attacks we have had in our country. 

The question, "am I scared", came up when my sister was visiting. Before the attack happened, she asked me if I was worried about one happening. I was not. I figured New York would be targeted, but decided that I was not going to live my life in fear. I have been protected from a terrorist attack before, when my mom ran the Boston Marathon (post here). That event was one of the scariest experiences of my life, but we were protected by a higher power. I have a conviction that we will be protected again if/when an attack on New York happens.

When I found out about the attack I was trick or treating. It didn't phase me at the time, probably because I was trying to keep up with my sugar high kids, and Lyndon was safe with me. In the subsequent days the impact of the attack hit me, and hard.

Lyndon works downtown. Not on Chambers Street where the attack happened, but pretty close. He said you could see the police cars from his building. He said at the time of the attack he was right below it on the subway. That is what scares me most. He is spends most of his day in the area of the city that has been and could be targeted. My worst fear is that my husband will not come home.

He works really close to ground zero. I often pass it when I am on my way to meet him and it's hard seeing the place where that attack happened. And later that week, when I went to the 9/11 Memorial Museum my fear/anxiety hit hardest. Looking at all the pictures, and listening to recordings from 9/11 were really upsetting, for obvious reasons, but it magnified the recent tragedy. There is one picture at the Museum where Lyndon's building was completely covered by smoke from the attack. It broke my heart for what happened there, and then if something was to happen again. 

I want to make clear that I do not worry about Lyndon going to work everyday, or living in NYC at all. I have had hardly any experiences when I have felt unsafe. Things happen, good and bad. Having the attack close to his proximity makes me nervous sometimes. 

I know there are more good people than bad. I have literally witnessed it around the globe, from the gentleman on the street that welcomed us to Cambridge as we were dragging our suitcases across the town, to the random aunty in Singapore who bought my children a sweet just because. I witness random acts of kindness everyday in our city. To all the random New Yorkers who help me carry up my stroller from the subway, or have offered their seat on public transport when I am pregnant. People are often giving tourists directions without being asked. There are so many stories I can share

I really like how De Blasio reacted to the attack, by commenting that all those dead and injured are New Yorkers. New Yorkers watch out for each other, in my experience. I do not often share these experiences, but I am this time. The first one that stands out vividly in my mind is being on a crowded subway, where everyone was crammed in like sardines. Literally no room to move at all. My sister had just arrived and we were headed to my place, and she had a suitcase. A random gentlemen asked us what our stop was, and when we arrived he announced to everyone on the train to move aside so these ladies with a suitcase could get off. When my Mom was visiting, a person stopped a kid from stealing something out of my Mom's back pack. Another instance, my stroller wheels got stuck in between the platform and tracks. People by the doors on and off the train just dropped to the ground trying to help me get my stroller wheels out. 

So am I scared? I do not know. I feel safer knowing that I have a city of people that watches out for each other. I know that I am not going to live my life in fear. I am still trying to figure out what to do about all the terrible tragedies that keep happening. In the meantime, I will be more aware of my surroundings, listen to the promptings I receive, say an extra prayer of safety for my family and my self before I leave the house, and through out the day. I will also be hugging them and kissing them a little bit more than I already do (good thing no one complains about that). 

My prayers and heart goes out to all those who have been affected by the terrible attacks and tragedy our country and world have been facing. This writing on the side walk says it best. 

That is one way we can all do a little part to make the world a safer place. 

Here is a link to a video produced by the 9/11 Memorial on how to talk to children about terrorism. 
Link to a short article about the balloon arch if interested. 
Photo at the top by Mark Berman.